For K (I fear the loss of)

I'm a teacher. Audience of three, you know this. And so for part of my spring break I digested some adolescent literature -- I have to be that literary bridge, stories that venture from my hands to the students. One of the books was a delectable and quite witty tale entitled, Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer. This book had some of the most noble characters I have come to know. Certainly Good people to pass a few hours with. To give you a taste, one of the main characters, G.T. Stoop, is the proud owner of a fabulous diner in rural Mulhoney Wisconsin. While fighting for his life as he battles leukemia, G.T. also fights for the town that he has lived in his whole life and deeply loves. He learned about the corrupt mayor that has served their town for years and wants more for his beloved neighbors and friends. So he decides to run. As you read, you imagine how absolutely easy it would be to become wrapped up in the messiness of politics. To lose yourself in the rhetoric. To fight so hard that you compromise some of your morals as you do so.

Not G.T. Nope. He remains throughout the entire novel, through and through one of the finest men I have known. To quote, "You want to know why to vote for a man who's fighting for his life? Because no one understands how sweet life can be, how blessed every minute is, how important it is to say and do what's right while you've got the time, more than one person who's living with a short wick." Who wouldn't want to know this guy? It's lines like this that run rampant throughout the text that make the reader reflective on their own lives: How can I be living it better?

In always yearning to be a better person, I'm often reminded of a quote that one of my friends chooses as what I perceive is her life motto: "I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." -Leo Rosten

I think G.T. would agree with this quote and I think it helps put matters in perspective. If I want to be the best version of myself, if I want to be the most useful, the most compassionate, I have to let go. I have to forgive myself. I need to not let my self worth rest in the acceptance of one person. As the cursor blinks at me, it seems to say...you have filled in the blank Carolyn. Now actually feel it. You write, let go; now go and do it.

To matter. To count. To stand. To be the difference that makes a difference. I'm grateful to all the G.T.'s in my life and in the world that do well to remind us what it's all really about.