I had lunch with a good friend weeks ago and what she meant as somewhat of a passing comment ended up burying itself inside my skin and has burned there ever since. She looked through me as if she had just turned the key to my core and said, "You're not as together as I thought you were... You always seem so confident." These words were uttered in the tone of someone commenting on the dry humid weather we were enduring, except it isn't the atmosphere in question...it's my character.

together.
confident.
seem.

These words swam around each other and messed with my psyche, striking me inarticulate. At that moment the waitress came with our drinks and the conversation naturally moved, but I didn't. Which no doubt proves her point, I'm certainly not together and am still forever working on the confidence card. And to be honest, I'm somewhat surprised to have ever given that impression in the first place.

My heart travels to the shakers of the facade and finds fear. I fear that they'll always leave, because they always do. I fear my worth because of the need to look elsewhere for its confirmation. I fear truth because despite mutual commitment there are always borders and limits. I fear imitation because of habit.

I'm 25 years old. And if you were to ask another good friend of mine, that's not old enough, nor do I have the status (like one of a first lady per say) to have any reason to write about my life or my thoughts. This opinion is probably largely due to the fact that the blog/memoir writing process reads as a service more for the self than the audience which can alienate people who rightly feel they deserve more. After all, they are giving their time and energy. They are engaging just to be treated like a brick wall.

Listen up wall. I'm talking to with you.

Faking confidence is worse than not having any; to be vulnerable is courageous. I'm embarrassed that it took a mediocre movie (ahem: Eat pray Love) to encourage the contemplation.

Here's to burning words
to open cores

to feeling the fear and doing it, being it, loving it, overcoming it anyway.